Thursday, July 01, 2004
Wireless Is Nothing New
Verily, I say unto Thee! Howdy from Pampa Texas!
Okay, maybe not. But I have decided to meet you, my lost sheep, halfway. Wireless connections are nothing new; four thousand years ago we called them "prayers". These days, if it doesn't support those stupid smiley-faces, or if U cnt go w/o ur st%pd IM speak, you aren't interested.
Very well, I will talk to YOU, then.
Here are a few things that have been bothering me lately:
1) Marketing - For every one of you who has a fish, or a bumper sticker with my name on it on your car; for every one of you who has a bracelet, T-Shirt, tattoo, or diamond studded nipple ring with "WWJD" on it, let me answer the burning question:
This Is What Jesus Would Do: Make a whip out of cord and turn you out of the temple! (John 2:15, from my NY Times Bestseller, the Bible!) In other words, I'd kick your butt for spending money that could go to the poor on this junk!
Especially if you drive like a total jerk.
2) Voting - Why does everyone who claims to be my friend think they can tell other people how "I" want them to vote? Just because you wear a dress and a red hat does not make YOU God! Besides, you don't need to drag my name into your politics. Especially if you're one of the smegma-licking low-life scumbags that helped another guy in a dress get away with child molestation by moving him to another town. I don't recall condoning THAT anywhere in my book!
3) Decency - It is my opinion that the FCC should give Janet Jackson $500,000 for making the otherwise pathetic SuperBowl half-time show watchable... if only for a split second. Instead, they should fine Budweiser $500,000 for making a commercial in which a horse farts in some woman's face.
And if you don't want to hear Howard Stern talk about pornographic films, there are other frequencies on the dial. There are also tape decks and Compact Discs, such as those made by the band Cake. (Highly recommended, by the way.)
4) Kevin Smith - I loved Dogma. You know why? Because K.S. wasn't making fun of ME. He was making fun of YOU!
I grow weary for now, and shall rest. I just downloaded some George Carlin material and can't wait to listen to it.
Go in Peace.
JHC
Okay, maybe not. But I have decided to meet you, my lost sheep, halfway. Wireless connections are nothing new; four thousand years ago we called them "prayers". These days, if it doesn't support those stupid smiley-faces, or if U cnt go w/o ur st%pd IM speak, you aren't interested.
Very well, I will talk to YOU, then.
Here are a few things that have been bothering me lately:
1) Marketing - For every one of you who has a fish, or a bumper sticker with my name on it on your car; for every one of you who has a bracelet, T-Shirt, tattoo, or diamond studded nipple ring with "WWJD" on it, let me answer the burning question:
This Is What Jesus Would Do: Make a whip out of cord and turn you out of the temple! (John 2:15, from my NY Times Bestseller, the Bible!) In other words, I'd kick your butt for spending money that could go to the poor on this junk!
Especially if you drive like a total jerk.
2) Voting - Why does everyone who claims to be my friend think they can tell other people how "I" want them to vote? Just because you wear a dress and a red hat does not make YOU God! Besides, you don't need to drag my name into your politics. Especially if you're one of the smegma-licking low-life scumbags that helped another guy in a dress get away with child molestation by moving him to another town. I don't recall condoning THAT anywhere in my book!
3) Decency - It is my opinion that the FCC should give Janet Jackson $500,000 for making the otherwise pathetic SuperBowl half-time show watchable... if only for a split second. Instead, they should fine Budweiser $500,000 for making a commercial in which a horse farts in some woman's face.
And if you don't want to hear Howard Stern talk about pornographic films, there are other frequencies on the dial. There are also tape decks and Compact Discs, such as those made by the band Cake. (Highly recommended, by the way.)
4) Kevin Smith - I loved Dogma. You know why? Because K.S. wasn't making fun of ME. He was making fun of YOU!
I grow weary for now, and shall rest. I just downloaded some George Carlin material and can't wait to listen to it.
Go in Peace.
JHC
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My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!
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Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!
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